Nothing Is Horribly Lonely
by FireOfRa
Summary: You don't feel anything, anything at all? Sakura asked. Sai gazed at her with blank black eyes. Nothing. Ever? Never.
1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter 1: Nothing_**

Sakura sat cross legged and watched Sai as he drew something down in a sketchbook. It was strange to have a calm silence, she wasn't use to Naruto not being around. Ever since he returned from training with Jiraiya Naruto had always been by her side. She almost expected him to be trotting right beside her like an annoying loving little brother. It wasn't a bad silence, it was actually rather peaceful for once. Even though she enjoyed Naruto's company she was relieved that she didn't have to hear him moaning about how he could have been stronger during the previous mission.

Kakashi had decided that the team split in half in order to complete their latest mission. Kakashi and Naruto would hit the villages to the North and East while Sai and Sakura were to gather information in the South and West. It was a simple mission really, to obtain as much information from town authorities about news that could possibly threaten the Leaf Village and report back to Lady Tsunade. They had one month and Team Kakashi were to meet up every Sunday to exchange information.

She sighed and Sai looked up. Tilting his head with his black eyes studying her, he looked as if he were trying to read her emotions.

'Through the fire and moonlight,' Sakura thought as she watched the shadows on Sai's face outline his features. 'he almost looks like Sasuke sitting there..."

Almost.

She blushed a little from the attention. She never had someone stare at her like he was just now. Well, nobody except Naruto that was.

Like Sasuke, Sai showed no emotion at times like these. Perhaps the only difference between the two was that Sasuke was at least capable of showing emotions when the time was right. With Sai however, Sai had no truth behind his smile. It wasn't because he was fake or hateful, he didn't know what it was. He didn't know what emotion was.

'What kind of life did he live as a boy? What was his schooling like? His home life?" She pondered.

"What are you thinking about?" Sai asked still looking at her.

"Oh just silly stuff I suppose. Nothing really." She fidgeted a moment and pulled her knees to her chest.

His gaze was blank.

"For thinking about nothing you express a great amount of emotion."

Sakura didn't know how to respond.

"Well of course!" she paused. "Don't you feel something when you think?"

He thought a moment. "No. I already told you, I feel nothing."

She frowned as she remembered the conversation they had on their first mission together. He had been drawing a picture and when she asked what he was going to name it he had no response. He had no feelings towards his art, he said he never felt anything at all.

"Nothing at all? Ever?"

"Never."

"Everyone feels something, Sai. Even if it is just for one moment. A split second. You're human after all, that is what we do. We think, we feel, we love, we hate..."

"No." He said coolly interrupting her. "I feel nothing."

With that, Sai looked down at his drawing and continued to draw.

Sakura looked down at the ground below. The two of them had made a fire on a large branch that they would call home for the evening. For being the first night alone with out Naruto and Kakashi she felt a little nervous. After all, Sai didn't offer much protection.

'He is a bit of a sissy.' She thought.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two: The Sleep Invader**_

She opened her eyes to a thick fog. How long had she been asleep?

"Sai?" She called blinking her eyes, warning off sleep.

Someone, something was there just a few feet in front of her.

"Sai?" She reached for him.

Sakura screamed out in vein as five sharp claws dug in to her arm. She retrieved her arm, blood oozing from the deep flesh wounds. A horrible growl and snicker echoed in the night. A horrible creature with large teeth and green skin stepped forward.

Sakura readied her chakra.

"What the...my chakra!!!!" she had no chakra. _'The demon must have drained my chakra when he struck me!' she thought_.'

The creature lashed at her, slitting her chest and sending her back against the trunk of the tree.

"Sai!" she pleaded. He was nowhere to bee seen. Had the creature killed him?

The creature, the monster stepped for her once more. Before it could make another mood, someone stepped in between them. Sakura had to look twice to confirm her suspicion. She could recognize the hair and stance anywhere!!

"Sasuke!!!!"

She did the only thing she could. It had been three long years since she had seen her love and here he was ready to defend her. She through herself on his back and let out a whimper.

"Sakura." He whispered.

Suddenly he pushed her back. "Stay back Sakura!"

He stood there in a uniform she didn't recognize but it was probably something given to him by Orochimaru. Black slacks and a white shirt came together by a large purple rope. Or what at least appeared to be a rope. He no longer proudly displayed the Uchiha symbol as he use to. His complexion was pale, much like Sai's and a slight shade of purple highlighted his eyes.

'Sasuke.' Though she was glad to see him he wasn't the same. She missed him terribly and he was right in front of her. A new Sasuke. A Sasuke she knew nothing about.

Sasuke stood readied at the demon, a long sword drawn out in a striking stance. When the creature jumped at him Sasuke made a slight 'hmph' sound. Sakura knew Sasuke was grinning. The creature retreated at the blow and held back.

"Be careful, Sasuke." She encouraged.

As Sasuke cocked his head to listen to her the creature attacked once more. Sasuke, who had been off guard had his sword knocked from his hand. The creature wrapped it's claws around his neck and lifted him off of the tree limb.

"This can't be happening!" Sakura thought. 'That was too easy!'

Sasuke locked eyes with Sakura as the creature through him to the ground below. Blood splattered against the tree.

"SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed as she peered over the tree watching him fall to his death.

The creature howled with delight as it stepped for Sakura. She frowned.

"I will not die in your hands!" She yelled. As she weakly stood on her two feet, she stood on the edge and closed her eyes.

"Sasuke." She whimpered as she let herself fall.

Sai had watched her from across the fire as she let out a whimper. With one knee pulled to his chest he held his hand against his mouth and stared.

'What could she be dreaming about to make her upset?'

She rolled slightly to the side and let out a moan.

"Sakura?" He called softly to her.

Not that he cared but she was getting rather close to the edge of the limb. Sakura gathered herself to her knees and crawled to the edge. Without hesitation she let herself fall.

Sakura opened her eyes and let out a scream as a delayed reaction. Frozen in mid air, she felt the back of her shirt gathered up in a firm hand.

"Sakura." He paused still holding her in place. "I think it will be best if we sleep on the ground."

He smiled his fake smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3: Unsight_**

Once a new fire was lit and they both were comfortable once more, Sakura tried her best not to look embarrassed. She avoided making eye contact and whenever she felt Sai look at her she could feel her cheeks burn with flush.

Once again she sat across the fire from Sai whom had finished his drawing and was beginning to neatly place everything back in his pack before spreading out his blanket and lying down.

Sakura gazed up at the tree that they had originally been in, recapping the dream in her head.

_'It seemed so real_.' She thought.

She looked at Sai through the fire. Like a tv screen that had gone haywire his face flashed from Sasuke to Sai. She blinked trying to adjust her eyes.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Sai asked.

"It's nothing."

"You're ugly face is going to be giving me the nightmares now."

Sakura stood up. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!!????" The sound of alarmed birds crying filled the air and it echoed through the trees.

Naruto stopped snoring for a moment as if his soul had heard something. Once he was satisfied that it wasn't anything he turned over, wiped the drool from his mouth and resumed snoring. Kakashi whom had been propped up against a tree '_resting_' his eyes suddenly became alert. It was an unpleasant sound. The sound of hate and misery. He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

He wasn't sure if he had been dreaming or if it really was real. It had been distant, the sound. Yet he could have sworn it sounded like Sakura. His suspicions were granted when he heard a loud crash following the strange yell.

"Well sounds like those two are getting along."

Sai continued to smile as he rubbed his head. Sakura, who was trying to control her temper reclaimed her spot across the fire and sat there with a grim look upon her face.

She was more annoyed in the fact that he just kept grinning at her.

_'I'm not ugly_.' she told herself. _'I'm not ugly_.' She repeated in her mind. _'I'm not ug_..'

"Keep telling yourself that." Sai interrupted her thoughts as if he were reading them. "It's not going to change the fact that you are. But don't worry, as I mentioned before. I like ugly bitches like you."

With that, Sai sprawled out once more and closed his eyes. A smirk still crossed his lips.

Sakura felt miserable. _'I'm...not...ugly_.' She turned her back to Sai and the fire and pulled the covers over her head.

_'Why did Kakashi put me with Sai_?' Sakura thought to herself. _'It's not fair. I spent my whole life afraid of what I looked like. I tried so hard to fit in with all the pretty girls. Pretty girls like Ino. She doesn't even have to try. She's pretty and now that she's older she gets almost any guys attention. Sure I get attention._..' She cringed. _'Even if it is just from Naruto_.'

Sakura remembered walking in to a conversation Naruto and a few other friends had a few weeks ago. She didn't know whether to cry or to be proud. Naruto and the others all agreed that Sakura was beautiful but she wasn't the dating type.

"Sakura is just...Sakura." Chouji shrugged his shoulders and ate another potato chip.

"Sure Sakura is beautiful. She's been a friend for so long. I couldn't think about dating her. She's like one of the guys." Shikamaru added.

"You guys don't know what you're missing! I'm dying to take Sakura on a date!" Naruto chipped in proudly.

"Pff." Kiba snubbed. "I agree with Shikamaru. Sakura is one of the guys. I personally think Ino is more easy going. Looks aren't everything you know.'

Naruto had nearly choked on his spit. "PLEASE!!! INO IS THE MOST STUCK UP BITCH I'VE EVER MET!!!"

Neji sighed. "Calm down Naruto. Though I agree with all of you, what does it matter? Sakura is a teammate. A comrade. A fellow Shinobi. If you all gawk at her like she's some sort of toy then that is a pitiful weakness."

'_Weakness_.' Sakura had sighed.

"At least she's grown in to that big forehead of hers." Snickered Kiba.

"That's enough. Don't talk about her like that. You hear me?" Naruto defended.

Sakura had heard enough.

Tears formed in her eyes and she began to sob as older, more painful memories began to flood back to her.

Sai opened his eyes and peered over the fire at her. He propped his body on his elbow with his fist supporting the side of his head. He watched as her body danced with her sobs. Her breathing became harder as she tried to restrain herself from crying too hard.

_'I've made her cry_.' Sai's face was emotionless as he began to think about the past. _'No. I cannot think about that. It is forbidden_.' He let out a tiny sigh.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four: Just**_

Sakura and Sai hardly spoke a word to one another while packing up their camp in the morning. They had exchange several uncomfortable looks at one another. At least, from Sakura anyway. Sai's looks were always empty.

Sakura wasn't one to hold grudges. Before they even hit the trail to the next town she was smiling and humming. She was looking forward to sleeping in a real bed and possibly a hot bath.

"A hot bath sure sounds nice about now, doesn't it Sai?" She asked walking cheerfully alongside him.

Sai shook his head in agreement. "Indeed."

"I'm sorry about last night." She blurted out.

"Don't worry about it. I'm not."

She giggled. "Of course you're not. You don't feel anything right?"

He smiled. "Right."

The truth was, Sai wasn't suppose to feel even though deep down he did. It was the way of the Root. The only love he must feel is for Konoha, the life support of all the Leaf Village. His soul purpose was to protect it and all who dwells there. He musn't let silly feelings in the way of his goals. No matter how many times it had been pounded in to his brain, he couldn't let go of certain memories and feelings. He was a good liar even to himself. There were just some things not worth forgetting. Some things not worth losing.

_'I wonder what Naruto and Kakashi-sensei are up to? I bet Naruto is annoying Kakashi with questions to ''brighten'' his mind_.' She smiled. _'Naruto. Kakashi. They have both been two great friends. I wonder where I would be if Kakashi hadn't taken me under his wing. Or even Naruto. What would have happen to Naruto. I'm sure Iruka-sensei would have trained him_.'

"Sakura."

Sakura lazily kicked a rock down the road repeatably for several moments. "HM?"

"Tell me more about Sasuke. I know it is painful for you to remember but if I am to assist in bringing him home I will need to know everything."

Sakura sighed. "Well..."

Thousands of emotions poured into her to make one large fuzzy feeling. After all, Sasuke was her first love. Her only love. She lived for Sasuke and she vowed she would die trying to bring him home.

"He's like you I suppose. You both hate Naruto..."

"I don't hate Naruto. I have told you both that I have no opinion of him."

Sakura ignored his interruption. "With Sasuke though, Sasuke loved to hate Naruto. They had an understanding, they both wanted to become stronger and use it to what they believe is right. That and they were kind of forced to become friends." Sakura giggled remembering how Naruto and Sasuke fought constantly the first few months. After that though they grew to understand one another's limits.

"I've read his file. He and his brother were the last of the Uchiha clan, correct?"

"That we know, I suppose."

"You suppose?" Sai frowned.

"I'm sure even if there was a surviving member of the clan, they would be too horrified to reclaim their name in fear that Itachi may return and claim their life."

"What else?"

"He was quiet. All he thought about was revenging his clan. He dedicated his training to it. He dedicated living to it."

"And just to think the dickless fag thought he would actually get somewhere joining Orochimaru."

Sakura stopped and readied her fists. "I told you NEVER to speak poorly of him again!!!"

"Forgive me. I forgot you have such a weakness for him."

Sakura crossed her arms. "Forget it."

Sai walked stiffly as if marching before the harshest general there was. It were as if he made one false move out of place he would be lashed for it.

"Sakura."

"What?" She snapped. She really hated him.

"What did he feel for you?"

Sakura closed her eyes and thought back to the times, the few times he ever showed her attention. He had always protected her when it came to danger. Like Naruto, Sasuke had always been at her side too. That's when the memory hit her. The memory of when he left. A memory she didn't want to remember.

"_Sakura. Thank you_." The words echoed in her brain until she heard every time she closed her eyes.

"It doesn't matter." She announced.

_'Why!? Why is Sai such an asshole_!?' She thought to herself. _'I'm trying to get along with him. For Kakashi-sensei's sake. For my sake. But he's making it so damn hard_!'

"Sakura?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry." He looked at her.

Sakura frowned and began to jog. "Don't say things you don't mean." She called back.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Field Day**_

The town was a small town but still crammed with ramen shops, casinos, hotels and musical halls. Every hotel Sakura and Sai had stopped at was booked and it took nearly all day to finally find one. Finally, they found a small inn that only one vacant room. Indeed it was a small hotel for their only vacant room was in fact...the only room.

Sakura wasn't thrilled with the idea of sharing a room with Sai, let alone the only bath the hotel offered.

"You mean I have to share a bath with him!?" Sakura growled at the hotel attendant. The hotel attendant shrunk down below the desk.

"Uhhhh yeah. I...I...It's all I have to offer!!!" He pleaded in a 'please don't hurt me' tone.

"It will be fine." Sai called from behind Sakura. "Please excuse my friend, she's a bitch when things don't go her way."

Sakura didn't bother looking at Sai. She knew that if she looked at him he would just smile his fake smile and aggravate her even more.

That evening Sakura ventured off on her own. She found a small cafe that served fresh cooked fruits and sweets.

"Ah finally. Some real food!" Sakura rubbed her hands together as the food was placed before her. '_A nice meal, a hot bath, a real bed!' _She thought_. 'I'm liking this mission already_!'

Tonight it was fun and games, in the morning however she would have to begin her research. She would talk it over in the morning with Sai to finalize their plan. However, the more she sat alone the more guilty she began to feel.

'_I've been nothing but rude to Sai this whole trip_.' She sat ashamed of herself. '_He can't help it he doesn't feel anything. How sad, Sai didn't even know how to feel about the death of his brother._'

After a short dinner and a bit of pondering through the village she made her way back to the room. It was empty. Sai's clothes were neatly folded on the edge of the bed and his drawings and art pencils were sitting on the table. After slipping out of her clothes and placing a towel around her she made her way out to the bath.

It was an unusually cool night and stepping outside with her bare skin brought goosebumps to her skin. '_What a dump_,' Sakura thought. _'They can't even afford decent lighting out here_.' The only light provided was the light from the moon and the several lanterns that were hanging from the fence.

She removed the towel and placed it on one of the seats. She dangled a toe off the edge to feel the temperature of the bath. It was hotter than a normal bath but still comfortable enough to relax in.

She felt a presence at the end of the pool.

"Ugh!!!" Sakura screamed as she tried to cover herself up quickly but instead threw herself in the pool to hide herself.

"SSSSS...SAAIIII!!!!" Her voice growled with anger.

"Don't worry I didn't see anything." He announced.

Sakura clinched her fists but calmed down.

"You're too small to admire, after all." He grinned.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Exposure_**

"Ahhh." Sakura sat back in the relaxing warmth of the pool.

"This feels so nice."

Her mood was calm and cheerful. She giggled at Sai whose held was tilted to the side. A large protruding lump on his forehead grew larger with each passing moment. Though there was a smile still on his face it had faded a little.

There was a few minutes of a stare down between one another. Both watching one another to learn more about them. Studying their every blink, their every movement of their mouth and every breath they took.

'I_ suppose he isn't too bad. After all, he does dedicate his life to Konoha_._ But there is something about him, something about him that I just don't get. He reminds me so much of Sasuke_...'

Sai let out a sigh as the throbbing of his head took away the joy of his bath. '_I suppose I deserved it. She only hits me when she thinks I deserve it. I wonder what she is thinking about now? Most likely she's thinking about that traitor fagot_.'

Sai let out a small grunt.

Sakura watched as a mass of bubbles collected around Sai. '_He didn't just...'_

"Ew!" She swam as far as the pool would allow. _'That's so gross_!' She thought to herself. Suddenly she let out a laugh. It was something Naruto would have done.

"You know Sai," she started softly. "I never did thank you for catching my fall. You know, the other night when I had the bad dream.."

"You would have done the same for me. You're a comrade. That's what comrades do."

'_He's right. We're comrades. We're adults now. I've been acting like a child ever since we left Konoha for this mission_.'

"Think nothing of it." He suggested. "I don't."

"What do you think about?" Sakura asked as she stuck a foot out of the water. The cool air of the evening tickled her toes and she giggled. The question was becoming almost natural to her. She didn't really expect a full answer from him.

Sai watched her with curiosity. 'The slightest thing makes her happy.' He thought. 'Happy. Why does she feel that way?'

"I think about my purpose as a Shinobi. What I am told to do and how I see that I carry out the tasks given to me."

Sakura nodded, she figured it was something boring like that. Sure it was important as a Shinobi to be the best Ninja you can be, and to keep the Leaf Village at heart. But there was so much more to life.

"What else?"

Sai blinked. "What else is there?"

"Don't you think about friends or what you'll do on your day off. Don't you think about what you will draw next? What about your family? Your brother?"

Sai showed the first sign of emotion. He frowned.

"No." He replied standing up.

Sakura nearly drowned herself as her feet gave way from beneath her. She scolded herself as her eyes ventured from his face to his neck. From his neck to his shoulders and his beautifully sculpted chest.

'I musn't look.' She told herself as her eyes locked on to it. IT. 'It's...' She felt herself blush.

"Is something the matter?" Sai asked.

Sakura's heart skipped a beat as she was caught red handed looking at his..

"UHAHAUH!" Sakura brought a hand up to her hair and began to twirl it nervously as she realized that she was now standing across from him. STANDING!? How could she stand naked in front of him again!?

Sai stepped up to the side of the pool and wrapped a towel around himself. "Don't stand out here too long." He mentioned. "Any longer and your nipples will crack. Of what nipples you have, that is."

Sakura was up in out of the bath before Sai could even blink. Wrapping a towel around her body, she passed by Sai and slid open the door to their room.

It was then that the next problem arose. She sighed. There was only one bed. "Oh man." She sighed.


End file.
